Progress Report

I had planned to do a weekly progress report, but I was sick at the beginning of week 2. Now that I'm at the end of the second full week, I find my head to be very fuzzy. I'm not sure that I can put together anything remotely coherent, but I'm going to try.

The first week actually went better than I expected.  I knew there would be significant internal resistance to the idea of practicing compassion for myself and to giving up all my other distractions in order to truly obsess.  While that did happen, it wasn't as extreme -- though to be honest, I didn't let go of my normal distractions that much.  I did find my mind spinning with thoughts related to compassion and self compassion.  I stumbled across the 12 Steps book as well as several websites that fueled reflections on compassion.  I even started recognizing discourse on compassion in other places -- like creativity books and self help/memoirs.

I have identified some connections between compassion and imagination and creativity that I had not previously recognized.  A day before the light bulb went off I wouldn't have been able to accept that there was such a direct relationship.  Now it makes perfect sense, though I'm not really able to articulate it clearly yet.  I guess it is true that when you allow yourself to obsess on something you start to put thoughts and ideas together in new and exciting ways.

Week two was less insightful.  Partly because I was sick and since I recovered I've been extremely tired and worn down.  If illness is supposed to be the body saying it needs a break and providing for enforced rest, then something went wrong in my case.  I got over the illness, but I'm exhausted and sleepy a lot of the time.  It makes it even more difficult to put words together -- just ask Johnnie how many times I've misspoke in the last week.

I have made small steps towards self acceptance and nurturing.  I am doing little bits of art preparation and (before I got sick) I even managed to do a small collage as well as finish a collage I had started last year.  I am also making progress on body compassion (another big issue that I'll write more about in a day or two). Nothing major yet, just small steps.

I have almost finished my first read of the 12 Steps Book and am working my way through Toxic Criticism.  Both are key to helping me frame my process of self compassion, overall compassion, and moving forward with creating a meaningful life for myself.

If I had to summarize the first two weeks of this productive obsession I'd say that Week One was about excitement and unexpected insights and Week Two has been about baby steps and learning to sustain the obsession.