I've been in a very weird mental place the past few days. I know part of it due to the approaching start of my next productive obsession experiment. My fear and anxiety about facing my issues around compassion is pretty intense. Then there's the fact that my job is being redefined (again!) and I have no way of knowing how much work I'll have in May, which once again puts my household income in question.
....but it's mostly the anxiety....
I am committed to compassion. I will do this.
but first I'm going to get a night's sleep.
30 April 2011
28 April 2011
Random Thoughts
I know that compassion is what I need to obsess on for the next phase of my journey, but I've been avoiding formulating a specific obsession statement....
Maybe this time around I should start with a general concept and let it form itself into a statement once I start obsessing....
I told my counselor that I know two things I will need to face, besides the Big One. I'm not ready to talk about these here, except for acknowledging that I will probably need to get back into some form of volunteer work. When I told her that she asked what the connection between compassion and volunteering is for me. I replied that for me, service is compassion in action. It occurs to me that that would make a good bumper sticker or mantra...
Last time I printed out my obsession statement and placed it all over my house. My printer isn't working, so even if I had a statement ready, I couldn't do that. I am considering writing out some quotes from the brainstorm book by hand and seeing how that works for inspiration.... perhaps this one:
I'm not sure it's a good thing that Johnnie is also working on compassion as part of his spiritual journey. He started on it awhile ago, so he may be getting ready to move onto another lesson soon. We just experience our lessons very differently, so I don't know how that will play out...
At the time that all hell was breaking loose in my Household and financial life during the second half of 2010, I really struggled to feel like I was accomplishing anything from obsessing about leadership. However, looking back I realize that I did what I felt needed to be done to get Johnnie and myself into a better living situation and, eventually, to a more responsible financial footing. We are even beginning to resume the work we had started last summer to build our own businesses and create the life we want. Much of that is a direct result of my leadership -- though I certainly didn't expect to have to go through all that to end up here...
For pretty much my entire life, television has been my distraction, my guilty pleasure, my tool for learning, and my escape from the world. It is something that Johnnie and I have in common -- in fact, we spent a good portion of our first 'date' comparing notes on our favorite SciFi television shows. I wonder where I'll find time to obsess about compassion when May sweeps is winding up the current season and the network upfronts are announcing which shows are renewed and what new ones will come...in short, it's the busiest month of the year in terms of television news and storylines and I'm supposed to be obsessing about something completely unrelated...
Maybe this time around I should start with a general concept and let it form itself into a statement once I start obsessing....
I told my counselor that I know two things I will need to face, besides the Big One. I'm not ready to talk about these here, except for acknowledging that I will probably need to get back into some form of volunteer work. When I told her that she asked what the connection between compassion and volunteering is for me. I replied that for me, service is compassion in action. It occurs to me that that would make a good bumper sticker or mantra...
Last time I printed out my obsession statement and placed it all over my house. My printer isn't working, so even if I had a statement ready, I couldn't do that. I am considering writing out some quotes from the brainstorm book by hand and seeing how that works for inspiration.... perhaps this one:
"The challenges you face are the exact ones you need to tackle." (page 30)...
I'm not sure it's a good thing that Johnnie is also working on compassion as part of his spiritual journey. He started on it awhile ago, so he may be getting ready to move onto another lesson soon. We just experience our lessons very differently, so I don't know how that will play out...
At the time that all hell was breaking loose in my Household and financial life during the second half of 2010, I really struggled to feel like I was accomplishing anything from obsessing about leadership. However, looking back I realize that I did what I felt needed to be done to get Johnnie and myself into a better living situation and, eventually, to a more responsible financial footing. We are even beginning to resume the work we had started last summer to build our own businesses and create the life we want. Much of that is a direct result of my leadership -- though I certainly didn't expect to have to go through all that to end up here...
For pretty much my entire life, television has been my distraction, my guilty pleasure, my tool for learning, and my escape from the world. It is something that Johnnie and I have in common -- in fact, we spent a good portion of our first 'date' comparing notes on our favorite SciFi television shows. I wonder where I'll find time to obsess about compassion when May sweeps is winding up the current season and the network upfronts are announcing which shows are renewed and what new ones will come...in short, it's the busiest month of the year in terms of television news and storylines and I'm supposed to be obsessing about something completely unrelated...
24 April 2011
Reboot
Last summer I committed to productive obsession. The basic concept is to actively choose a topic, goal, or problem and to focus all my mental energies to the pursuit of that grand idea. The goal is that obsession will move from mental exercise to action and will transform me and my life. This comes from a book called brainstorm by Eric and Ann Maisel.
As I embarked on my first obsession (to embrace my talent as a leader), I started a private blog here where I could document my journey. I wasn't sure at the time if I wanted to share it with the world or with just a few trusted individuals. (My Life Partner got to read it from the beginning, of course.) I figured I would make that decision after a few days of experimenting.
That first obsession did prove to be transformative, though in ways I could never have expected. I guess that't the entire point of the exercise, so I'm not complaining. I spent several weeks choosing my obsession and taking initial steps to organize my thoughts to jump in and start on August 1st. Those first posts have been transferred to this blog so that readers can see that archive. (It's only two posts.) As I took the first step as a leader, namely holding a Household meeting to get things in order, I triggered an avalanche of intensely emotional events that led to our House mates leaving (one at a time) over the next few months and left myself and my partner, Johnnie, in possession of a lease and utilities that we couldn't begin to meet. On top of that, my job got changed and cut back in hours leading me into a cycle of anxiety that took months to get under control.
While I did not document any of that (I was too busy trying to tread water and oftentimes failing), I did try to keep the idea of acting as a leader foremost during these crises. I may not have been as decisive and effective as I wished, but I did manage to take steps (eventually) to improve our life and our financial situation. I'm not sure exactly when I stopped focusing on the thought of leadership. It probably trailed off in January when we entered a cycle of grieving for family members who died and then nursed one of our cats until I decided it was time to end her suffering.
I am about to begin another obsession. This time it will be centered around the subject of compassion and I plan to begin it on May 1st. I am re-reading the Maisels' book in order to refresh my understanding of the criteria for formulating an obsession and the overall concept. I plan to take some time this week to work on this blog as a place to chronicle all my obsessions, past, present, and future. I may set aside blogging time to reflect on how the leadership obsession played out. I will probably write some about why I am obsessing on compassion at this time and what I want to explore about it. Once May 1st comes around, who knows what will happen.
As I embarked on my first obsession (to embrace my talent as a leader), I started a private blog here where I could document my journey. I wasn't sure at the time if I wanted to share it with the world or with just a few trusted individuals. (My Life Partner got to read it from the beginning, of course.) I figured I would make that decision after a few days of experimenting.
That first obsession did prove to be transformative, though in ways I could never have expected. I guess that't the entire point of the exercise, so I'm not complaining. I spent several weeks choosing my obsession and taking initial steps to organize my thoughts to jump in and start on August 1st. Those first posts have been transferred to this blog so that readers can see that archive. (It's only two posts.) As I took the first step as a leader, namely holding a Household meeting to get things in order, I triggered an avalanche of intensely emotional events that led to our House mates leaving (one at a time) over the next few months and left myself and my partner, Johnnie, in possession of a lease and utilities that we couldn't begin to meet. On top of that, my job got changed and cut back in hours leading me into a cycle of anxiety that took months to get under control.
While I did not document any of that (I was too busy trying to tread water and oftentimes failing), I did try to keep the idea of acting as a leader foremost during these crises. I may not have been as decisive and effective as I wished, but I did manage to take steps (eventually) to improve our life and our financial situation. I'm not sure exactly when I stopped focusing on the thought of leadership. It probably trailed off in January when we entered a cycle of grieving for family members who died and then nursed one of our cats until I decided it was time to end her suffering.
I am about to begin another obsession. This time it will be centered around the subject of compassion and I plan to begin it on May 1st. I am re-reading the Maisels' book in order to refresh my understanding of the criteria for formulating an obsession and the overall concept. I plan to take some time this week to work on this blog as a place to chronicle all my obsessions, past, present, and future. I may set aside blogging time to reflect on how the leadership obsession played out. I will probably write some about why I am obsessing on compassion at this time and what I want to explore about it. Once May 1st comes around, who knows what will happen.
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