Reflections on Day 1

Before I even got out of bed I realized how difficult it was going to be to eliminate the other, non-productive, obsessions from my mind to leave room for my chosen obsession. In that half-awake, half-asleep state my mind kept going back to work -- and not to a major problem or project, but to a silly, nearly mindless repetitive task that I spent most of Friday doing.  Each time I just accepted that that was what I was thinking and eventually I'd remember that it's not what I wanted to think about and try to shut that off.  Which only worked until the next semi-conscious moment when I realized I was doing it again.

The real question of the day for me was how do I actually obsess about something? -- something I've chosen for compelling reasons rather than something my brain is used to using as a distraction. A Sunday can seem to stretch on forever if you're 1) trying to resist your usual, distracting activities and 2) haven't figured out how to turn a thought or question into an actual obsession.  I avoided turning on the TV and reading nonsense fiction or playing computer games for most of the day.  But eventually I gave in.  Some entertainment is necessary -- esp. when you're stressed about whether your partner made the finals in a national cable network contest.

I did manage to put together this blog -- after a false start on wordpress -- and write a first entry about my goals for this experiment.  I also tried to gently push my mind to thoughts of leadership -- but right now it just seems like a morass of questions rather than any single thing to lock my brain on. How does one focus on a chaotic cloud of multiple questions, thoughts, and impressions?

In addition to the questions posed in my initial entry, I have considered other things I need to consider during this month:

• how do you embrace a concept and why "embrace" instead of "accept" or "recognize" or "commit"?
• why "talent" instead of "skill" or "calling" and what talent do I think I have?
• If I'm "leading by example" what example do I want to set? And how do I actively change so many behaviors in so many different parts of my life?
• what is a leader anyway? what does one look like? how do they act that distinguishes them from "non-leaders"?
• What of all this am I supposed to be obsessing about? or is it just all of it? And if it's all of it, how do you "obsess" about so many different points.
• What does "obsess" mean, really? I understand what OCD looks like from television and movie depictions and several people I know in my life -- as well as mild OCD indicators in my own life.  But how do I consciously obsess about something?
• Does removing non-productive obsessions and distractions mean I can't watch any TV or movies, read books, surf the net, play games, etc. -- unless I can somehow tie them into my obsession? (Surely watching "the West Wing" is part of a study of leadership styles, choices, and consequences, right?)

I know that my daily life has to continue.  Today I get to see how I can obsess without disrupting my work day and will potentially be testing my actual commitment to action by having a Household meeting late tonight.  I suppose that should be my focus for today -- what and how to say and how do I make sure I have the proper level of nutrients, rest, and objectivity to be able to lead a meeting so late in the day.

One of the examples in the Brainstorm book that stuck in my mind is the thought that a teacher choosing to spend her lunch hour grading papers was actually in service to her writing obsession because by taking time to finish the daily tasks of her job would free up time later to work on her obsession.  It reminded me of the way I helped J refocus how her work wasn't just work for a check, but was actually work in service of the household -- something that provided financial resources to the household while giving her practice in her chosen field and the opportunity to practice certain people skills and coping skills.  All things that made her a better member of the household.

I need to start reframing everything I do in terms of my position as a leader. How, in this moment, am I serving, growing, practicing, or exemplifying being a leader?  Not exactly an easy task for a Monday morning, but a commitment is a commitment. Whether I can obsess "right" or even "well" at this point isn't the point.  It's the work that counts.

I embrace my talent as a leader.

Getting Started

I am embarking on a one-month "brainstorm" project. The new book Brainstorm: Harnessing the Power of Productive Obsessions by Eric Maisel and Ann Maisel outlines the core idea: that by productively obsessing on an idea we can focus the power of our minds rather than letting them be distracted, fragmented, and mostly dormant.  To begin, you choose an idea and commit to productively obsessing about for one month.

There's a lot of information in the book about the difference between what psychology and the general public consider "obsession" versus a productive obsession.  There's also discussion on how to tell a productive obsession from a "passionate interest" and how to recognize if an idea is worthy of being elevated to the status of productive obsession in your life.

After much thought -- and lodging a few protests with the Universe -- I've honed my idea.  In August 2010 my productive obsession is to embrace my talent as a leader.

I can't really say that I fought with the Universe about it.  In general, I don't fight with the Universe.  I may question, resist, ignore, protest, or whine at the Universe, but I don't actually fight it.  Nor do I ever doubt that the Universe 1) knows what I need to be doing and 2) has my overall best interests at heart.  I don't want to delve into spirituality too much in this entry. I'm sure it will come up as I obsess about leadership.

I did protest and resist this idea.  I've spent the greater part of my life dreaming about becoming a writer and artist.  Lately I've recognized I also have a calling to be a creativity coach.  When I started reading Brainstorm it was the intent of applying the lessons of the book to one or all of those areas.  When the Universe said otherwise, I was caught off guard and wasn't too happy about it.  However, if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that if I have an intense negative (i.e., scared out of my wits or hard core resistant) reaction to something the Universe decrees, then I'd better just give in and do it -- and sooner rather than later.

After some contemplation I was forced to recognize that leadership is at the root of a lot of my problems with artistic blocks, creative stalling, and hesitation to get started on new projects.  My reluctance to fully assume my role as leader of my household has created a jumble of problems in my living situation, ranging from frustration that the furniture is covered in cat hair to anger that I'm not being properly acknowledged as the head of the house.  My partner and I are wasting tons of time and energy discussing these problems rather than putting that energy into his new business or my creative endeavors.

Additionally, my role in his business -- which is actually our joint endeavor, with him as the front man -- is to direct the overall vision as well as make sure he's taking care of the details.  In short, I'm the leader there too.  If I want to ensure his success, I have to embrace my role there and stop thinking of myself simply as his cheerleader and the person he bounces ideas off of.

If the main reason I was put on this earth is to lead by example -- and in some cases flat out lead -- then I should stop being afraid of my leadership skills and the natural talent I seem to have for inspiring people.  This month of productive obsession will give me plenty of mind-time to work on some core points with regard to leadership:

• why am I afraid of being a leader?
• how can I release, address, and/or overcome those fears?
• why am I reluctant to admit I have leadership talent?
• what does it mean to me to be a good leader?
• who are my role models of great leadership?
• what are my current failings as a leader?
• what steps can I take to improve my leadership skills?
• how can I be a better leader in this moment in my household? at work? in my artistic calling? with the KS business?

I've no doubt other questions will arise and whether or not I can get a handle of any, let alone all, of these in a mere month will depend on how good I am at letting go of my unproductive obsessions, interests, and distractions.  I'm sure it will be quite a learning experience.  And, I sincerely hope, an active experience with discernible results, rather than another exercise in mental masturbation.

One thing that I've realized in the last few days, thanks in part to Brainstorm, is that commitment is a key element to any creative endeavor.  I can think and plan and dream and strategize and have a hundred "that's it!" moments.  Until I actually commit to action, it's all just words on a page, on my tongue, or in my head.

I embrace my talent as a leader.